Monday, April 27, 2009

Alan Shearer Is Bluffing and Newcastle United Look Doomed

The bullshit parade of Alan Shearer rolls on. After another abject performance - under the 47th Newcastle manager this season against Portsmouth tonight - the Toon Army edged closer to the drop.

In his fourth game in charge, Newcastle picked up only their second point under the newest manager. Contacted in for a £100k a game with a bonus of £1million if they stay up, Alan Shearer looks to be the smartest man in football.

Lets be honest here, Newcastle are poor. But so are free falling Hull and Sunderland. And with the Magpies only three points behind this desperate duo, Mr Shearer will have to take his fair share of the blame if his beloved club go down.

One thing you look for in any manager is a little bit of organisation, and under Shearer, Newcastle have looked devoid of any influence.

So far in three games they have changed their formation umpteen times, Shearer's management technique resembling a man throwing mud at a wall. Eventually something's going to stick.

Last week against Spurs they changed formation four times, players like Damien Duff played in four different positions over the course of the game and not once did the Toon army ever look like getting into the game.

With 20 minutes to go he threw on Viduka and Martins, went for the final formation of something resembling 4-2-4 and launched everything. And they still came up short.

Seeing some kind of improvement in the final 20 against Spurs, Sir Alan chose to go with a 4-3-3 tonight against lowly Portsmouth, also without someone you would call a manager but at least Paul Hart has a pretty good idea of what is needed.

The game was a dyer affair, best looked at through intertwined fingers, especially if you've been lucky enough to see any of the recent goal fests over the last couple of weeks.

The Newcastle faithful are beginning to see their Emperors new cloths and the slow dawning of realisation that their manager knows nothing and could quite possibly drag them down is becoming a very real thought.

You see, Big Al, phenomenal player that he was, thought he was onto a winner. Previous managers had made a mess of the club and with them mired in the relegation zone with only eight games to go he took the job.

No pressure see, not his fault they're down there. This is all true you see, but the simple truth of the matter is that Hull and Sunderland are having shocking second halves to the season, and looking at Hull's run in in particular, it becomes hard to se where they will pick up points.

With that in mind Newcastle need only one win to avoid relegation.

Can Sir Al bring this rag tag bunch of self proclaimed footballers to Premiership safety. On the last four games evidence you'd have to say no.

No plans, no ideas, no tactics, no players, no manager. Newcastle look doomed.

Newcastle (31 PTS) face Liverpool (H), MIddlesbrough (H), Fulham (H), Aston Villa (A)

Hull face (34 PTS) face Aston Villa (A), Stoke (H), Bolton (A), Man Utd (H)

Middlesbrough (31 PTS) Man Utd (H), Newcastle (A), Aston Villa (H), West Ham (A)

Sunderland (35 PTS) Everton (H), Bolton (A), Portsmouth (A), Chelsea (H)

But there is a small window of hope.

Of The Toon Army's last four games, you could see them taking four points from them, beating 'Boro and drawing with Europe chasing Fulham. Giving them 35 points.

That would rely on Hull losing all of their last four though, when they might only need one or two points. Depending on whether United have won the league or not by the last game may have some baring on who gets relegated.

It's a tough ask for Newcastle to stay up, but under this current manager you do get the distinct feeling that the great escape is not going to happen this year.

twitter / WillieGannon